I Think I dont love him No more

...I really feel hurt...really hurt that I cant love him no more. I'm at my point. I cant stand him right now...and I dont want to be with him no more...He doesnt deserve me...He doesnt deserve me at all. It took awhile for me to understand but I think God is trying to tell me something. I can continue to love him..Or I continue to be hurt...My choice.

...Ugh! I really dont want to Love him no more.
(Keeping yall posted)

....~sigh~ He's home..:(

My worst fears...My worst thought. Hes home. My anger grows...and my sadness increases, while my love is fading. I'm not sure If I want to see him. Its like everything I am saying to him..is being tested by him. idk...its driving me nuts. I say one thing and he makes a smart remark saying, "I thought you knew me?" I almost jumped through my phone and almost choked him to death!

    Ugh...I guess I have to just wait for him...Saturday is when he comes to my house...I'm not ready. But I dont want to be rude either.

Oh man...He's coming soon

He's comign home soon...And I feel like I dont want him near me. Like I feel happy that he is coming back home to see his family and thats great!..However, I'm not sure if I am ready to see him. Does he even deserve my love anymore?

    I showed my love and he hurted me so bad..SO BAD that I dont even trust him. I dont think about him as much anymore, and I dont even want him around me.
There is another Part of me that wants to stay...I dont know why, I just want to stay to see what happens. And thats what him and I are doing. We are now figuring out if we are "Meant" to be together.

   I have my opinion about that. Why start a relationship and not know if you want to be with that person? Thats what he did to me. If you're going to tell me after almost 2 yrs of being together, that I MIGHT not be the right one? What kind of crap is that?! You should've known this in the start of our relationship, not at the point of my love is growing for you. I want to slap him, Punch him, and just leave.

  I wish i wouldnt love so hard...I wish I can just be normal...(emotional wise). I guess thats just me. I will soon know..I will soon know if we are meant to be together. Through God, we will find out...I'm scared, but we have to do what we have to do...

I Try and Try...

I try so hard to be the greastest most unbelieveable girlfriend (Future wife) I can be since a very young age. And for some reason, I can't find a guy who is willing to be with me and Love me for me. It all happened when I was 13 years old. I thought I was in love. I was with a man of God and he left me to be with someone else. I never cheated on him and I only been faithful to him. But my heart was aching when he left.

    Then I went out with another guy a year ago. Athletic, cute, smart, funny, A little on the quiet side. However, I loved that about him because I'm shy myself and I can honestly say that I was happy with him. I moved to California however and I got Baptized in Jesus Name and then filled with the Holy Ghost. When I told him what I have done to get closer to God, we werent on the same page. And he didnt understand the meaning of getting closer to God. In short, he wasnt so thrill when I got saved. He then became too "clingy" to the point where my family didn't see me much..AND I WAS IN THE HOUSE! So I broke up with him.

I was then blessed with a wonderful man as of today. Man of God, great person, loves music just as I do. There are somethings about him that just prick my nerves sometimes. But I still love him and there is going to be some things that I won't like. However, even after this...I feel..not Worthy...or not good enough for anyone. I know these things take time, but when will I find my love? I believe I honestly found him (The man I am with now) However, he doesnt feel the same. So we both decided to leave it to God. Which is the right thing to do.

I'm just tired of proving things to someone I know i'm in love with. I know I want to be with him, I KNOW..but he doesn't. Why? I have no clue. What am I chop liver!? I just wish people..or someone..can understand me and Love me...with no doubts. (I honestly can't stand men who dont know what they want...it just bothers me).

Overall, I love him...I know i'm in love with him. But now I have to wait on him to Love me back the way I love him. Don't get me worng, he loves me...But not as much as I do. And it hurts me dearly to know that we are not on the same level. God if you can hear me, give me peace of mind. Let me know what I can do...What should I do...wait? Wait till you show me what I need to do? Or should I just take it in my own hands and do it myself?...I think I should wait. Because I can't let him go..Honestly...

MTV's 'Teen Mom' documentary Trailer

Teen Moms? Children having children. Why does this happen? Some say its because the parents Are TOO strict. Some say they are not strict enough. It has become such a norm for young girls that are 14 and up to start having kids that in reality we are making TV shows about it!? (Now dont get me wrong, these are bundle of joys coming into this world and people make mistakes. I also watch this show a lot to see how it would be like to have kids at a young age). However, this is taking a risk of younger girls that are 12 years old and up to have kids. Why are they even having sex!? Its called...*Theme music* MEDIA!

Media controls almost everything a child hears, see, and maybe even want to taste. However, now-a-days you see TOO many of these type of shows that might even influence Younger children to have children. Maybe some younger kids would learn from this if they havent already. But why risk showing something that shouldnt even cross a childs mind till she/he is at the age of 25 at least?

Maybe the parents need to monitor what the child listens to or even watch because this is getting out of hand. Its ok to make mistakes and having children is the BEST thing to have in your life. However, having children is a responsibility...If you cant even clean your room when your parents ask you to, what makes you think you are responsible enough to take care of another child? It can be hard...A child under 18 shouldnt have to go through something like this. However, if you are in this situation, Its ok ^^ do the best you can to raise your child.

Keri Hilson - Breaking Point

Love

A Special World
A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

- Sheelagh Lennon -


Love. Can anyone really define what Love means? How is it suppose to feel? Why do people fall so hard for this word...LOVE?

    Some people believe that love can take them out of dark places that they are in. Some search for it and sadly, never obtain it. Most, in todays time, abuse this word to the point where no one can really believe in love.

   Well I'm not going to tell you how to obtain it. Or how it should feel. However, I can tell you what it is NOT and maybe what It could be. 
Love is not hate. Love is not a abusive relationship where you are beaten, verbally or emtionally abused. Love is not SEX and most importantly, Love is not confusion.

Love is Patience, time, Understanding, commitment, Talking (Calmly), and Most importantly it is a Spiritual base love between you, the person you are with, and God.

All these things that Love is and is not, Some will never really understand or even comprehend what the TRUE meaning of Love is. Love can also be an obstacle and it is healthy for you and the relationship to go through some things with the person you love. Thats why it is so hard to Obtain..because no one wants to get hurt in the process.

  So, if you want to have the right love, you might have to take a chance. You never know; some are blessed to be in love the first time.